How do you build a Christian dating relationship? What is your perception of a Christian dating relationship? Do you subconsciously view dating in the light of the world? As believers, we do not live according to worldly standards and the same applies to our relationship life.
There should be principles and guidelines governing your relationship as a believer because you do not view dating as the world does. As a believer, you ought to aim to build a dating relationship that is pleasing to God.
As believers, we do not succumb to the worldly standard of dating. People should be able to see our dating relationship and spot a clear difference. Loving your partner the Godly way is achievable if you both have shared values and principles.
A Christian dating relationship built on the foundation of God’s word is a healthy one and this is the kind of relationship God desires from us. We should aim to date intelligently because this style of dating is what God approves.
Dating Intelligently is a term derived from the title of an informative book by one of my favourite Authors, Pastor Laju Iren. Dating Intelligently is a book for singles, dating and married couples. It teaches you how to make the right choices during courtship to avoid making the choice that comes with marital problems.
Now Dating intelligently entails dating with the applied principles of the Bible. In a dating relationship, you can’t go wrong if the both of you are believers rightly rooted in the word of God because it will shape the decisions you both will make going forward.
If you date intelligently, your relationship won’t be toxic because instead of it choking the life out of you, it is building you up to become a better man and woman. Note! relationships are not about two people completing each other but it is about two people complementing one another.
“Courtship is a time to love intelligently, marriage is a time to love blindly”.
– Pastor Laju Iren
Triumph
‘Triumph’ is about three friends; Chinonye, Folake and Patricia who come at crossroads in life and in their individual journey they understand their victory in Christ Jesus.
Chinonye is diagnosed with cancer and her daughter’s unhealthy behaviour doesn’t help matters.
Patricia has been childless for five years and her mother-in-law gives her troubles while John, her husband, becomes a man…
10 Tips On How To Build A Christian Dating Relationship
There are 10 ways to build a Christian dating relationship which include:
1. Be Committed to Each Other:
Commitment is a key factor in a Christian dating relationship. When you are committed to a relationship you will not see it as a ‘cruise’ but it will be a relationship you will take seriously. This is the kind of relationship you should cultivate as a believer. You should not think like the world and start to play with the feelings of the person you are dating. In being committed, you will see the relationship heading towards marriage because you are not going round and round in circles with the who you are dating. You are a believer and your fashion of thinking is different!
2. Share The Same Purpose:
Be with someone who aligns with your purpose. As believers, our purpose is ‘to know God and make Him known.’ Your partner should not be someone who doesn’t share this same purpose as you. When there is a disparity of purpose it will be hard for your partner to support you as you do ministry. When the two of you have the same purpose it will so much easier and more effective to fulfil the will of God together. This is a key factor in building a Christian dating relationship because Christ will be the foundation.
3. Be Accountable To Someone:
There will be times you and your partner will need someone to give their relationship advice concerning issues that arise in the relationship. Accountability is key and the person you both are accountable to must be grounded in the word of God because it will shape the advice given for the relationship.
4. Abstain From Sex:
Fornication is not a fruit of the spirit and as believers, we ought to live according to the fruits of the spirit. It is advisable to not indulge in sex because it is outside what the word of God preaches. Take certain measures in your relationship which include: not spending the night in your partner’s house, avoiding kissing each other, avoiding touching certain areas of the body etc. By doing this, you do not put yourselves in the way of temptation. Sex is designed for marriage and marriage only. 1 Corinthians7:1-2 instructs us that sex is designed for marriage and we are to honour the word of God by adhering to this instruction.
5. Set Out Time To Pray Together And For Each Other:
Praying together forms a spiritual bond in a dating relationship. It is very important to have a personal time of prayer with your partner and for your partner. Praying together builds a Christian dating relationship. Asides, from praying together, you can also engage in other spiritual activities together such as studying the Bible and fasting together.
6. Do Not Keep Record Of Past Offences:
The act of keeping a record of past offences breeds unforgiveness and bitterness. It is an unhealthy habit to be keeping records. Therefore, in building a Christian dating relationship do not hoard past hurt, it will only lead to unforgiveness and as believers we have to forgive each other as God forgave us.
7. Build A Friendship:
The foundation of every successful dating relationship is friendship. I believe you should be friends first with the person before dating. If you are friends first when you start dating it won’t be difficult to build a friendship because you are already in a relationship with someone who understands you and vice versa. Being friends with the person you are dating gives room for transparency, effective communication, teamwork, better understanding etc. This is a key factor in building a Christian dating relationship as a believer because when you make friendship the foundation, commitment in the dating relationship won’t be difficult.
8. Have The Right Conversations:
Having the right conversations is key in building a Christian dating relationship because it is not just about hanging out with each other and talking about random things. In your dating relationship ask the right questions, check up on each other’s spiritual growth, have clean conversations etc.
9. Set Boundaries:
Set boundaries in your relationship, when certain boundaries are not set you are putting yourself up for temptation and temptation leads to a sinful act. You set boundaries by not doing sleepovers, by not mostly hanging out alone in each other’s house, by not sharing the same bed, by not making out etc. In setting boundaries, you might think you are being extreme but you are not, you are simply taking precautions that will help you abstain from sex.
10. Support Each Other:
It is very essential to show support to one another, especially supporting your partner as they fulfil the will of God in their life. Ways to show support is by encouraging your beloved as he/she pursues their goals, giving to his/her ministry, assisting them in any way possible etc.
Negotiables And Non-Negotiables
Definitely in your dating relationship, your partner will not be perfect and he or she will have their flaws and that is why we have the negotiables and the non-negotiables.
In dating intelligently, the author, Pastor Laju Iren highlighted negotiables and non-negotiables in a dating relationship.
Negotiables can fall under body weight, unhealthy eating habits, style of dressing etc. and these are things that can be worked on while non-negotiables include cheating, battery, constant lying, abusing, manipulation etc.
Do not make the mistake of letting what is meant to be a non-negotiable be a negotiable. In building a Christian dating relationship, we accommodate the negotiables but we do not accommodate the non-negotiables.
This is why I mentioned earlier in this post that it is vital to date intelligently before you marry.
BOOK RECOMMENDATION
I recommend you buy Dating Intelligently by Pastor Laju Iren. She is a lady I honour so much and has authored over 5 best-selling books. She is also a filmmaker who wrote and produced the hit web series ‘During Ever After’ showing on her YouTube Channel. Her book ‘Dating Intelligently’ will give you a proper insight into dating the intelligent way.
This book serves as a guide for singles, dating and married couples. It is a very detailed book and would take you through the way you ought to date intelligently before you marry blindly. This book will show it is safer to date intelligently to avoid having regrets in marriage.
CONCLUSION
I hope these 10 tips have given you an insight into how to build a Christian dating relationship. Relationships take a lot of work and commitment. It is very essential to build them the way God desires. You do not succumb to the system of dating in the world. As a believer, you stand out and make a difference. Remember you are light in a dark world.
Please like, comment and share this post so that it can also impact others.
“Love is 90% commitment and 10% everything else.”
-Pastor Laju Iren
Thank you Uche ❤️
I love your mind. The part that really touched me what when you said, don’t let what is meant to be non-negotiable be negotiable. Thank you so very much miss Uchenna.
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